Poetry Train
For the Poetry train today, I thought I'd post a scene that I wrote yesterday for the Flash Fiction over at SEx. It's short and I'll probably change the tense and pov, but I wanted to see if you all would be interested in learning more about the story. If not, I'll tuck it away and not think about it again. (It's not like I don't have enough story ideas to keep me busy for years.) If you do, then I'll make sure to mark it as a possible story line down the road. Enjoy.
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“Okay. I know you like to act all macho and everything, but we’re lost. We’re going to be late for the reception.” I fold my arms and glare at him.
“I know where I’m going.” His tone tells me he’s mad.
“No, you don’t. If you did, we’d have been there by now.”
“Do you want to drive?”
His statement makes me smile to myself. It could get me in trouble if he saw it.
“I’d love to, but you’re the driver I hired. You should know how to get to wherever I want to go.” I tug off my sunglasses. “Besides I’m blind.”
“Shit.”
I’m not sure if he’s swearing because I’m blind or because he’s frustrated. I pinch the bridge of my nose and sigh. “I can’t believe you’re this incompetent. Were you told to keep me from the reception?”
“Yes.” Something about his voice informs me he isn’t happy about that.
“Who would do that?” I shake my head. “Never mind. I know.”
“Listen. I’m sure you’re a great guy, but I don’t want my sister getting hurt.”
My laugh sounds harsh. “I’m sorry to tell you this, but she’s going to get her heart broken if she trusts Chet to be faithful.”
“How would you know?” The car stops.
“Chet told you to insure I don’t show up at the reception. He’s afraid I’ll say something to his wife.” I frown. “I’m Chet’s former lover.”
“I know where I’m going.” His tone tells me he’s mad.
“No, you don’t. If you did, we’d have been there by now.”
“Do you want to drive?”
His statement makes me smile to myself. It could get me in trouble if he saw it.
“I’d love to, but you’re the driver I hired. You should know how to get to wherever I want to go.” I tug off my sunglasses. “Besides I’m blind.”
“Shit.”
I’m not sure if he’s swearing because I’m blind or because he’s frustrated. I pinch the bridge of my nose and sigh. “I can’t believe you’re this incompetent. Were you told to keep me from the reception?”
“Yes.” Something about his voice informs me he isn’t happy about that.
“Who would do that?” I shake my head. “Never mind. I know.”
“Listen. I’m sure you’re a great guy, but I don’t want my sister getting hurt.”
My laugh sounds harsh. “I’m sorry to tell you this, but she’s going to get her heart broken if she trusts Chet to be faithful.”
“How would you know?” The car stops.
“Chet told you to insure I don’t show up at the reception. He’s afraid I’ll say something to his wife.” I frown. “I’m Chet’s former lover.”
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Check out Rhian's blog to check out the other poems and stuff on the train.
Labels: Eye Candy, Poetry Train
posted by T.A.Chase @ 9:06 AM
20 comments
20 Comments:
Please put it in the keeper file. Intrigue and potential romance you can't go wrong.
Hi,
This is e very interesting snippet...
I'll be happy to read more about these people.
Have a good day
More Please....sooooooo interesting
I always love your stuff!! And that pic is beautiful as well.
I second the plea for more.
Thanks, everyone. I was hoping you would find it interesting. I have some of the plot worked out in my head. Of course, I don't have time to write it right now, but it'll go in the Future Works folder. :)
I love it but I think you should take it out of first person. FP is too limiting and very frustrating to a reader. While I do read FP books, for the most part I need to know what's going on in all the main characters heads...lol
But this is a really great scene and you should definitely turn it into one of your fabulous stories.
Have a great Monday!
Melissa,
You're right. I'll probably take it out of fp, so you can see what the driver is thinking. (I haven't gotten a name for him yet or for the main character either.)
Add my vote to the keep column, TA.
This should definitely go in the "Future Works" folder. I also agree with the comments about changing it from First Person, otherwise - sounds very intriguing.
As if you have to ask! Of course we want to hear about the guy who had manlove on the DL... Get to writing. I'll wait, but not too long mind you...
So... are we getting two stories a week? Weee! If not you are an evil, evil man.
Please keep writing:)
How soon will you get to this one TA. It sounds like a winner.Already I have questions- how was he blinded? Did Chet have anything to do with it???
Yvonne
I want to see more in the Home series first but definately put this in the keeper file. Has lots of possibilities!
Melanie
keeper please! I can't believe you're just going to let us hang on this!
i'm with the rest of the crowd...defo a keeper, but also, i agree on changing the POV. i'd like to know what the driver is thinking, too.
the next blog story, perhaps? :D
More please? Definitely a keeper. :)
It sounds interesting. I think its a keeper.
You know what? It just could be the next blog story. Good idea, Loopy. :)
:D thanks! i have them occasionally lol...can't wait for that one, either. yanno i'm addicted to your work, defo.
I want to see where it goes....
Pretty Please:-)
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